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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29024352">Two Steps Far From You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mila_Addwang/pseuds/Mila_Addwang'>Mila_Addwang</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Everyday Life, High School, Love/Hate, M/M, Out of Character, Songfic, Soulmates, Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 14:21:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,650</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29024352</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mila_Addwang/pseuds/Mila_Addwang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmates. au<br/>Where Harry is just a high school loser in love with the captain of the football team. And it wouldn't be so bad if Louis' every rude word about him didn't show up on his wrist.</p><p>Link of the original text: https://ficbook.net/readfic/3674680</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. High School</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/749847">Two steps far from you</a> by MasyaTwane.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>This </em>overtook Harry in his senior year. When the autumn has started. In the middle of class. He squeezed his eyes shut as he saw the words burned into his wrist.</p><p>
  <em>&lt;That nerd&gt;</em>
</p><p>These words showed up as old, barely noticeable scars along the arm, from the wrist to the elbow. Harry rubbed the <em>d</em> in the word <em>“nerd”. </em>Nothing. The words were just there, etched into his skin.</p><p>Harry knew he was a loser, so it didn’t surprise him. Of course, he dreamed that he would meet his true love later when the hell of high school was behind him. He dreamed meet somewhere, in Uni, where everyone would be in an equal position, there would be no judgmental and mocking looks, there he wouldn’t feel alone when everyone’s around.</p><p>“Hey, jerk, give me write it off”</p><p>A rude shout made the boy pull down the sleeves of his sweater.</p><p>It would be terrible if the news of a school loser has a date has spread. The poor girl’s reputation would have been over in a second. Although the thought that fate had prepared a soul mate for him make the boy breathe a little easier.</p><p>Harry took an English notebook out of his backpack and handed it to Stan. The football player snatched it out of the boy's thin fingers and hit the curly top of his head with it.</p><p>Harry just sighed, still staring at the empty board. These punches with the notebook stopped hurting him even from last year.</p><p>It’s so hard</p><p>To find someone</p><p>Who cares about you</p><p>But it’s easy enough to find</p><p>Someone who looks down on you [1] (Someone who cares)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry suspected that he couldn’t go to college just because he was going to die before graduation.</p><p>When another ball hit him in the back of the head in gym class, Harry stayed on his feet, only swayed from the force of the blow, but the glasses were the most damaged. They clattered to the floor. The guy just sighed, leaning down and picking up the pieces in his hand. No one moved to help him, and that was normal. Just like the fact that Liam didn't even think to apologize.</p><p>The coach sent Harry to the bench, and this was a definite good. From this position, the guy could watch the players. Today the guys played volleyball. They bounced high and hit the ball hard, some of them panting, pushing back their sweat-soaked hair with just a single movement of their heads.</p><p>Harry found himself thinking that he wouldn't mind if one of his classmates turned out to be his soulmate. Don't mind at all. It might not be a girl.</p><p>He picked out blue-eyed Louis from the general crowd of students and allowed himself to linger a little longer on the chiseled cheekbones and contemptuously curved lips. Tomlinson was the most popular boy in school: captain of the football team, son of a famous former radio DJ, handsome, sarcastic, and smart. Everyone loved Louis. And, of course, a guy like him couldn't be Harry's mate. Not to such a loser. Not to Harry.</p><p>Another kick of the ball, this time in the face, knocked all these useless thoughts out of the boy’s head. Harry pinched his bleeding nose with his fingers and jumped up from the bench. The coach put an arm around his shoulders and escorted him to the nurse’s office.</p><p>And, of course, Louis wasn't going to apologize for breaking Harry's nose. This was also usual.</p><p> </p><p>All we are is broken glass</p><p>Throw to the floor we were never meant to last</p><p>And all we are, are empty shells</p><p>Try to pick us up you’re gonna cut yourself [2] (Broken Glass)</p><p>***</p><p>It wasn't hard to find a soulmate. Three weeks after his first mark appeared, Harry finally understood whose words he was wearing on his skin. And this knowledge only complicated his already difficult life.</p><p> </p><p>And it all happened where most school dramas usually happen — in the cafeteria. Harry was carrying his tray to the dirty dishes table. He noticed Louis and his friends too late, just as Niall was laughing and tripping him up. Harry fell, sprawling uncomfortably on the dirty floor, and his tray flew off to the side.</p><p>There was almost no shame. His classmates thought it was a waste of a week if Harry hadn't been dropped. But it was really scary. He blew his unkempt bangs from his forehead and looked up with horrified eyes at the offenders. For a split second, Louis stared straight at him. Harry hovered at that moment, drowned in an ocean of blue, but the moment passed. Tomlinson simply stepped over him, continuing on his way.</p><p>Harry shook his head to clear it when he heard that high-pitched, hoarse voice:</p><p>“How long are you going to spend time over this pathetic loser?”</p><p>The boys took turns stepping over Harry, who was sitting on the floor, and going after the “leader”, the boy didn’t even really understand how exactly he managed to get to the men’s room on the second floor. In the booth behind the locked door, Harry allowed himself to catch his breath. This year, he was beaten much less often, which was good news. Right now, they could have pinned him to the wall and given him a couple of punches in the stomach, Stan was a great master at that, but no, they just passed him by. Harry even allowed himself a small smile. The fear was slowly easing.</p><p>He took off his sweater and froze.</p><p>
  <em>&lt;pathetic loser&gt;</em>
</p><p>His clothes fell to the floor as Harry grabbed the booth door and pressed his suddenly sweaty forehead against it. It couldn’t be real.</p><p>Louis Tomlinson was his soul mate.</p><p>
  <em>Louis Tomlinson would kill him if he founds out.</em>
</p><p>I can’t escape this hell </p><p>So many times I’ve tried </p><p>But I’m still caged inside </p><p>Somebody get me through this nightmare [3] (The Animal I Have Become)</p><p>***</p><p>Telling to Louis the truth wasn’t part of Harry’s plan, so he avoided talking about the most popular boy in school in every possible way. Which, by the way, was not difficult — Harry had no friends at all, and Gemma was too rarely at home to notice the changes taking place in her little brother.</p><p>And there were changes. After the incident in the cafeteria, everything turned upside down. Harry found himself unwillingly searching for the top of Louis’ caramel head among the crowd of students in the hallways of the school. His heart still skipped a beat when one of the tough guys pinned him to the wall, giving him punches, but now the feeling of fear was mixed with something new when he noticed Tomlinson’s contemptuously compressed lips among the offenders. Harry felt a sort of puppy-dog delight inside him at the slight lift of his brow. Slowly but surely, he was sinking to the very bottom of this abyss.</p><p>Harry managed to hide the connection until the beginning of winter. And if it hadn’t been for an embarrassing stupid mistake, Louis would never have known that he already had a soul mate.</p><p>Harry was sitting at the last desk, his textbook shut off from his classmates as usual. He didn’t listen to the teacher at all, even though history was one of his favorite subjects, instead, Harry couldn’t take his in-love eyes off Tomlinson. And he, as if on purpose, came today not in one of his bright T-shirts, but in a knitted sweater that was perfectly too big for him; the too-wide collar kept sliding sideways, exposing a tanned shoulder.</p><p>Harry had always wondered how Louis’s skin remained a beautiful golden hue throughout the winter. When Harry even at the end of the summer, looked like a member of an ancient vampire family: pale, almost white.</p><p>Looking at this laughing wonder pulling the sleeves of his sweater down to his fingers, Harry lost his guard. Louis smiled at Zayn who was sitting next to him and asked loudly:</p><p>“Do you think I’m beautiful, Malik? Your type?”</p><p>The boys burst out laughing as Zayn clutched at his heart, pretending to be in love, and Harry whispered, almost inaudibly, almost unconsciously:</p><p>“Very beautiful”</p><p>The realization of his own mistake caught up with him about ten minutes later, when Niall leaned across the aisle and hooked a finger on Lou’s sleeve. He pulled it up, asking:</p><p>“What’s that, buddy?”</p><p>Their captain’s tanned skin bore faint white scars.</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Very beautiful&gt;</em>
</p><p>Louis stared at the sign blankly for a few seconds, then broke into a satisfied smile.</p><p>“Someone has a girlfriend, you look!”  Stan exclaimed, patting his friend on the shoulder.</p><p>“We have to find her, Louis!”  Niall echoed the general excitement.</p><p>“How is it even done? I mean, how exactly does Tommo recognize her?”  Liam asked.</p><p>Louis hesitantly stroked his fingers across the letters. He had a dreamy smile on his face as he looked at Liam and said:</p><p>“I bet she’s a hottie”</p><p>Payne gave him a high five and the boys laughed again. They chattered on for a while until the teacher got tired of them. He smiled faintly and congratulated Louis, to which Tomlinson nodded gratefully. The fun subsided, but not for long because Niall couldn't calm down. He urgently needed a plan of action. The boys discussed some really bad options, and Harry wasn't even worried anymore, because, with this strategy, they would never be able to discover him.</p><p>But Harry wouldn't be himself if he was lucky just once. Mr. Schreiber</p><p>closed his textbook and moved his chair closer to the boys. The first plan proposed by the teacher was approved. It was decided to have a notebook in which Louis will mark all the people tested. He'll go all over the school and pull out every single girl. He'll find the one.</p><p>When the bell rang, Tomlinson was determined. All Harry could think of was one thing:</p><p>
  <em>It's fucked up.</em>
</p><p>I get by in a world with no conscience</p><p>By shutting it out and being anonymous</p><p>And the problem is</p><p> You're just like me [4] (Anonymous)</p><p>***</p><p>Louis didn't talk about Harry. The words on his hand rarely changed, but they always brought with them a sharp pain. The only time the scars changed shape was when Harry got into trouble with the guys on the team and Louis. The words changed, but not their meaning. There was always offensive rudeness on the hand.</p><p>The only consolation was that Louis had never hit him. He laughed at him, insulted him, and sometimes enjoyed watching Stan and Nick beat him up, but he never raised a hand to Harry on his own.</p><p>There were times when Harry thought that it will be better if he does. Maybe then, a loser like him would have a chance to touch the king of the school. Harry often looked at Louis, at his collarbone and jawline, his long eyelashes, and his unique ankles. But as soon as he was on the floor again, or his back was pressed into the metal of the locker, Harry would get rid of these thoughts: no, if it was Louis, it would only hurt more.</p><p>Harry walked slowly along the side of the school, looking at the snow-dusted stadium. He was so deep in his thoughts that only a collision could bring him back to reality. His chest slammed into someone's sharp shoulder blades, and he abruptly raised his hands, grabbing at someone else's shoulders, trying to stay on his feet. Harry didn't push the guy too hard, but it was enough to make the other guy drop his cigarette in surprise.</p><p>Harry removed his frozen fingers from someone else’s shoulders and took a couple of steps away. He was already wondering if he could make do with a couple of bruises from this particular guy, or if he would be beaten up by the whole group. There's still a shift at the candy store today, and if he comes beaten up, Aiden, his elderly boss, will be worried.</p><p>But Harry instantly stopped thinking about Aiden when the guy turned around. Louis abruptly pulled the hood off his head, glaring at the boy cowering in front of him. The December wind ruffled his caramel-colored hair, and Harry had to clench his hands into fists to keep the urge inside him to fix them, strand by strand.</p><p>“Why the hell aren't you looking at your feet, jerk?”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Jerk&gt;</em>
</p><p>It's better than a <em>pathetic loser</em>, definitely.</p><p>Harry lowered his head, trying to shrink to the size of an atom. He wanted to disappear. Louis' hand was on his shoulder, gripping him tightly, as if holding him in this reality, not letting him go too far. For a moment, Harry thought it was a friendly, supportive touch. He wanted to think so. He looked up timidly and choked on his breath. The corners of Louis' mouth turned up, turning into one of his cruelest grins. He pulled his right hand back and punched Harry in the stomach.</p><p>His legs buckled, and he slowly sank to his knees in the snow. Tomlinson's hand was still on his shoulder as if reassuring him, promising that it wouldn't end in one blow. Harry's backpack slid off his shoulder and hit the ground next to him. The boys stood around in surprised silence. Louis never laid a hand on Harry. <em>What has changed?</em></p><p>Tomlinson lifted the boy's chin with his fingers, forcing him to look at him. Something is exploded inside Harry. The feeling of closeness, the touch of Louis on his skin, mixed with the pain of the blow, sending shivers through his entire body. Louis almost lovingly tucked a curly curl behind Harry's ear, looking at the pink plump lips, and then abruptly pushed his head away from him.</p><p>When Harry lost Louis' touch, the pain in his stomach started to show again. He leaned forward, trying to catch his breath, trying not to think about how Louis had just touched him. Almost gently. Almost.</p><p>Tomlinson took a few steps back, looking at the fallen teenager in front of him, and decided that he wasn't satisfied enough yet. The brown-haired man ran away and kicked Harry's backpack with his signature kick. The bag soared up and flew a few meters away, and Harry's heart stopped. For a moment, he thought Louis' expensive sneaker was going to hit him in the face. But backpack took Tomlinson's anger, and Harry remained kneeling in the snow, in the back yard of the school.</p><p>“Tommo, what's wrong with you?” Niall asked.</p><p>"Just a bad mood. Any problems?” Louis shrugged and headed back to school as if nothing had happened.</p><p>The guys just looked at each other in confusion, but no one else asked anything. Harry waited a few more minutes until their backs disappeared around the corner of the school building before he allowed himself to move.</p><p>He stood up slowly, wincing at the pain, and trudged off to pick up his long-suffering backpack. Today, he can afford to skip the last two classes. And if someone asks him the reason for his absence, he will honestly answer <em>a broken heart</em>.</p><p>Isn't that a valid reason?</p><p>On the ground, I lay</p><p>Motionless in pain</p><p>I can see life flashing before my eyes</p><p>Did I fall asleep</p><p>Is this all a dream?</p><p>Wake me up</p><p>I’m living a nightmare [5] (Time of Dying)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry spent Louis' birthday on the roof. He had stolen a half-empty bottle of rum from Gemma's hiding place and was enjoying it alone on the roof of his own house. Not that he suffered much — he had been friendless for almost sixteen years, but he had always been warmed by the thought that one day he would find the person born for him and not be so desperately alone. So what? He finally found his match. Only Louis is enjoying his celebration without Harry. The last hope that everything would change in his worthless life died when Harry was paired with the handsome Tommo.</p><p>His arm still had the offensive <em>jerk</em> on it, but the bruise on his stomach was gone. The body healed itself, but how was the soul supposed to heal? It was a question Harry had asked himself too often lately. Especially since Louis had burst into his life, with his sky-blue eyes and harsh words.</p><p>Harry took another sip and grimaced. Why does he drink at all? He didn't have an answer to that question either. The boy leaned back, looking up at the rapidly darkening sky. His life was like a kaleidoscope, consisting only of black pieces. No matter how he shook the pipe, no matter how he twisted it, the pattern was always the same color. Always black.</p><p>Downstairs, the door slammed — my mother had left for her shift. Gem was hanging out with her friends. Which meant that Harry was left alone in the house, left to his own devices. He breathed on his numb fingers and decided that it was just as productive to be sad in the warmth. The alcohol was starting to make Harry feel a little queasy, so he went straight to the bathroom to warm up in the hot water, and the toilet would be close by in case his body decided to get rid of the rum he'd drunk.</p><p>This night was really terrible. Harry screamed for a long time, trying to get all the pain and despair out of him. Then, weakened by hysteria, the body decided to get rid of the rum, forcibly poured into it before. Harry was vomiting violently, literally turning himself inside out. By morning, he felt as if he had been hit by a train. He crawled out of the bathroom, dragging his feet along the wall, clinging to it with his hands. Walking slowly and carefully, he made his way to his room, only to fall into bed and, he hoped,  to die.</p><p>In fact, suicidal thoughts had crossed his mind once or twice in the past year, but he had never really thought about it. No matter how cruel his classmates were to him, there was also his mother and Gem. Harry couldn't let his family down.</p><p>He glanced quickly at the mirror. He looked like a dead man: his curls were wet and stuck to his forehead, his glasses were slid to the side, dark circles under his eyes, and the mark of another collision with football players is still visible on his cheekbone.</p><p>With a groan, Harry collapsed into bed, and the last thing he could do was a promise. In a low, barely audible voice, Harry promised himself:</p><p>“Never, no matter what happens, will I commit suicide. I'm stronger than that.”</p><p>He very much regretted his promise in the morning.</p><p>
  <em>Louis Tomlinson finds a girlfriend.</em>
</p><p>I don’t need your condescending</p><p>Words about me, looking lonely</p><p>I don’t need your arms to hold me</p><p>‘Cause misery is waiting on me [6] (Misery Loves My Company)</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>&lt;A spineless slug&gt;</em>
</p><p>The last day of winter proved that Harry was no spineless slug. But those were the words he had worn on his arm since the first time Louis had hit him.</p><p>Nick hit him today. Or rather, he knocked him down, pushing him hard. The library book fell to the floor. Harry froze for a few seconds, waiting. There were no further blows, and he risked getting up.</p><p>Louis was angry. He hadn't been much fun lately. He'd checked out every girl in the school, and most of the boys already — none of them were his true match. Harry knew this because he had carefully followed his progress in this field.</p><p>“Hey, maybe your mate was right under your nose the whole time.</p><p>Getting in the way, so to speak?” </p><p>Zayn said loudly, pointing at the school loser.</p><p>It was as if lightning had struck Harry. He looked at Tomlinson and began to choke. I think it was a panic attack because Harry certainly didn't have asthma. He gasped for air, trying to figure out what to say, how to lie.</p><p>Louis removed his hand from Eleanor's waist and took a step toward Harry. Styles jerked, hoping to escape, but Malik's strong hand gripped his left wrist. Fear clouded his mind, not allowing him to think clearly, his legs became wobbly and Harry just… He punched Zayn in the face. Not much at all, but unexpected. The dark-haired man let go of his hand, and Harry ran as fast as he could, ignoring the library book and the consequences that awaited him after such an outburst.</p><p>Liam leaped over to examine Zayn's nose, and Niall just laughed out loud:</p><p>“A nerd can fight back! You saw it, didn't you?”</p><p>Louis stared thoughtfully at the fleeing teenager. <em>What was he so scared about?</em></p><p>Tommo picked up the book and stuffed it into his backpack. He'll figure it out when the guys aren't around.</p><p>Don’t put your life in someone’s hands</p><p>They’re bound to steal it away</p><p>Don’t hide your mistakes</p><p>‘Cause they’ll find you, burn you [7] (Don’t Put Your Life In Someone’s Hands)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry was pressed against the wall under the stairs. Louis' fist was gripping his shirt at the throat, holding him in place. They stared into each other's eyes for a few minutes, as if fighting a silent battle: blue against green, interest against fear, destruction against submission. Harry couldn't stand it first, he looked away and cleared his throat. He didn't really know what to say, but the silence weighed on his ears, making his fingers shake with tension and his thoughts get confused.</p><p>Tommo yanked him back and slammed him into the wall again, drawing a painful moan from Harry's lips. The brown-haired man found himself definitely liking the sound Styles made. He leaned closer, and Harry felt a hot breath on his cheek:</p><p>“Do you have a mate, loser?”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Loser&gt;</em>
</p><p>Harry barely breathed out a soft "yes", but Louis heard it. He suddenly pressed his cheek to his cheek, not letting go of Harry's clothes from his grip. Styles froze, feeling the touch of Louis' skin against his own. Hot. Soft. Soothing. Harry unconsciously leaned closer to Tommo, raising his hands to touch his tense shoulders.</p><p>Louis jerked back, pushing the body away from him, and stared at Styles blankly.</p><p>“I'm sorry.”</p><p>Harry whispered quietly.</p><p>He was scared and completely shattered. After the brief caress, it was unbearable to see the disgust on Louis' face. Tommo shrugged, as if in disgust, and Harry couldn't stand it: he squeezed his eyes shut, pushing all the thoughts out of his head, leaving only a hollow in it. He wouldn't think about it in front of Louis. Not in front of Louis.</p><p>Something hard slammed into Styles' chest. He clutched the object to him in surprise, without opening his eyes. His fingers brushed lightly against Tomlinson's, and the touch sent a current through his body. Harry bit his lip between his teeth, trying to stifle a sob: he just needed Louis to leave him alone.</p><p>
  <em>Please, just leave.</em>
</p><p>Harry heard the fading footsteps and risked opening his eyes. He was alone. His trembling fingers clutched the library book he'd dropped during the confrontation with Zayn.</p><p>Harry took a deep breath and sank to the floor, exhausted. Has Louis guessed who Harry's mate is? Judging by the disgust on his face, yes.</p><p>There are only three months left until graduation. And then freedom. Freedom from bullying, freedom from humiliation, freedom from beatings, and most importantly, freedom from Louis.</p><p>You just have to be patient.</p><p>Here’s to being human.</p><p>All the pain and suffering.</p><p>There’s beauty in bleeding.</p><p>At least you feel something. [8] (I Am Machine)</p><p>***</p><p>The first match of the spring was a triumph not only for Louis. Harry rightly believed that he had done everything possible to raise the spirits of the team captain.</p><p>He came to the stadium despite the cold wind and the threat of violence from Zayn Malik. He wanted to support Louis, even if Louis didn't need his support. After all the humiliations that the players had put him through, led by their captain, Harry was still madly in love and ready to do anything for his soulmate.</p><p>Only Tomlinson didn't need anything, he had everything. So, Harry could only watch, not risk approaching, drowning in his unspent love.</p><p>But not today. Louis Tomlinson needed some support today. The guys from the other school were strong, and at the break between the halves, the players left with a score of 3-0. Louis looked lost and empty. He didn't want to play anymore. The captain admitted defeat before the end of the game, and the team looked at him and gave up.</p><p>The team, but not Harry. Clutching a blood-soaked handkerchief to his bruised lips after meeting Zayn, Harry sat in the far corner of the stadium, desperately whispering words of support and encouragement, his eyes never leaving Tommo.</p><p>
  <em>&lt;The best player&gt;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Strong in spirit&gt;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&lt;My ideal&gt;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&lt;You're the best&gt;</em>
</p><p>Louis walked out onto the field, looking at his hand in disbelief, but at the last word, which was firmly embedded in his skin, the guy's spirits rose. He shouted something to Liam, cheered the other guys on. A cheeky smile lit up his face as he charged into the fight at the referee's whistle.</p><p>The guys won back the advantage and, although they could not win, finishing the game with a score of 4-4, the school welcomed the players as if they were champions. Louis played the best game in all his years of football, and his name was on the lips of the students until graduation.</p><p>Harry trudged home past the Horan house, where a party was being held for the football players and their friends, sniffing furiously. It seems that today at the match, not only Malik got to him, but also a cold wind. It was much easier to think of him getting sick, rather than trying to hold back the tears.</p><p>I took the low road in</p><p>I’ll take the high road out</p><p>I’ll do whatever it takes</p><p>To be the mistake you can’t live without. [9] (The High Road)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry's predictions were not justified - he lived to the graduation. And, unfortunately, he had to go to it. For the sake of mama and Gem, it was worth trying a little more. One last evening in the company of his classmates. It's all right. He can handle it.</p><p>Harry wasn't going to stay until the end, but he didn't stay for the planned two hours either. He just couldn't physically be in the same room with such a happy Louis. Tommo put his arm around Eleanor's slender waist as she whispered something in his ear. Her lips, painted with pink gloss, were almost touching Louis' skin. The closeness of their bodies was driving Harry crazy. His heart screamed and broke, demanding to go to the dance floor and push this beautiful girl away from Louis. Louis should belong to Harry. Should. But he didn't.</p><p>Harry wrapped his arms protectively around his shoulders. He felt terrible among the smart and happy teenagers. And the situation was made worse by the fact that Harry knew he would never be happy without his mate. But what drove him mad most was that Louis wouldn't be happy without him, either. But Tommo didn't want him, Tommo wanted someone else. Harry would do anything to fix it. But he couldn't be anything else. All he could do was leave in silence. He turned his back on the laughing Louis and left the room, leaving behind not only the pain but also the love.</p><p>On the way, he stopped at the library, the only place he really wanted to say goodbye to. For several long minutes, Harry scanned the bookshelves, inhaling the smell of knowledge, dusty and dry. He's been hiding here so many times, He can't count. His hideout.</p><p>Harry couldn't go home early, no matter how much he wanted to, his mother would be upset, but he didn't want to stay at school any longer. He sauntered out of the building, heading for the nearest park. The night had just begun, but it didn't matter. It didn't mark a new beginning for Harry, but rather another, still-black piece of a kaleidoscope.</p><p>Harry didn't turn around.</p><p>I can only do so much</p><p>And of course, it’s never enough</p><p>I don’t think that you see</p><p> Exactly what you’re doing to me. [10] (Give Me A Reason)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry was walking through the dark school parking lot when he heard Louis calling out to him.</p><p>“Hey, freak. Come here.”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Freak&gt;</em>
</p><p>Harry preferred names like <em>bespectacled</em> or <em>nerd</em>, which left him with the illusion that he could just take off his glasses or stop studying so hard. But the <em>freak</em>… There's nothing you can do about it. Harry didn't like those words.</p><p>Louis was leaning back against the door of his car. Still handsome, in a dark suit and a snow-white shirt, but without his girlfriend. Harry looked around the parking lot, but Eleanor wasn't around. There wasn't a soul around at all. Just Harry and Louis.</p><p>“What?” </p><p>Harry said in his hoarse voice.</p><p>Louis thought that he had never listened to his classmate's voice. Big omission-Harry sounded wonderful.</p><p>“Am I your mate?” </p><p>Tomlinson asked bluntly.</p><p>Harry used to think he'd die on the spot if Louis asked that question. No, he's not dead. He didn't even flinch. Inside, the calm of the doomed reigned.</p><p>“It turned out stupid”</p><p>Harry said, agreeing, the corners of his mouth turning up a little. It was supposed to be a smile. Harry wanted a smile. But it was more of a grimace of pain.</p><p>Louis easily pushed off from his car and walked around Harry in a couple of steps. His hot hand was between the other's shoulder blades, pushing hard. Harry slammed his chest into the spot where Tomlinson had just been pressed. Before he could process the situation, Louis' prehensile fingers were on his shoulder, twisting him around. A second that seemed like a lifetime to Harry and Tommo's mouth covered his own in a kind of kiss.</p><p>Louis just pressed his lips together, not opening his mouth or moving. Harry froze.</p><p>This, whatever it was, didn't last long. Louis pulled away from Harry, taking a step back. Styles thought that Tommo was about to say something rude or even hit him. He jerked as Louis raised both of his hands, but the blow didn't come. The brown-haired man removed the glasses from Harry's face and carefully placed them on the roof of the car. He licked his dry lips and took a step forward, pressing Harry against the cold metal of the car with his body. He slid his knee between Harry's legs, pressing his hips tightly against him. His lips found Styles' again, this time going further. Louis clutched at Harry's hair, clenching it into a fist. Harry groaned and it allowed Tommo to slide his tongue into his mouth.</p><p>It was so hot that Harry felt like he was melting. His legs abruptly stopped supporting his body, and if Louis hadn't been holding him so tightly, he would have slid to the pavement.</p><p>Tomlinson examined the unresisting boy's mouth with avidity, almost aggressively. Harry's pulse quickened. The pounding of his heart seemed to thunder through the parking lot.</p><p>Harry put his sweaty hands on Louis’ stomach, not quite sure if he wanted to push him away or just touch him. Tommo bit Harry's lower lip, hard and unexpected. Styles jerked in pain, pushing Louis away from him. But the brown-haired man didn't move an inch. He just pushed harder, pulling Harry's head back. Styles felt hot lips on his neck and lost whatever air was left in his lungs. Louis interspersed short kisses with sharp, painful bites, leaving his marks everywhere he could reach.</p><p>And Harry gave up. He spread his legs a little more apart on his own, lowering his arms to his sides and leaning his head back, leaving his neck at Louis' complete disposal.</p><p>“This relationship is going to ruin you”</p><p>Tomlinson whispered into Harry's shoulder.</p><p>His breathing was ragged and rapid as if he had been running for a long time. Harry blinked once. Then another one. He stared at the top of the guy's caramel head in disbelief. Did Louis just give them a chance?</p><p>“I will destroy you”</p><p>He said, barely audible, hoarse, in my ear.</p><p>“Try it.”</p><p>Harry said defiantly, a smile lighting up his face. A happy, wide smile that makes your eyes sparkle and dimples appear.</p><p>Louis stared at him in surprise, his classmate looked completely different. It might even be interesting to get to know him better. Discover him for yourself.</p><p>Tommo grinned back, and Harry crossed the distance between them to kiss his soulmate, now on his own.</p><p>And even though one still had you're the best on his arm and the other still had the word freak on his arm, it didn't matter anymore.</p><p>
  <em>Nothing else mattered.</em>
</p><p>Cause life starts now</p><p>You’ve done all the things that could kill you somehow and you’re so far down</p><p>But you will survive it somehow because life starts now [11] (Life Starts Now)</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Three Days Grace</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Last summer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The magic of the moment disappeared very quickly – at the moment when the loud voices of cheerful graduates who came out to smoke were heard in the dark evening parking lot. Louis pulled away from Harry.</p><p>
  <em>Everything mattered.</em>
</p><p>“Louis?”</p><p>Harry said questioningly. He looked into the brown-haired man's face, but he couldn't see any tenderness or joy.</p><p>“Why did you kiss me?”</p><p>“You're my soulmate”</p><p>Tomlinson said, confused, not quite sure why he'd done it. Something pushed him toward Styles. Something inside.</p><p>“So, we're a couple now?” </p><p>Harry held his breath, hoping for an answer that would change his life once and for all. An answer that won't hurt. He was tired of the pain.</p><p>But Harry is Harry.</p><p>“A couple? You're crazy!” </p><p>Louis lowered his voice and spoke quickly.</p><p>“We can't be together. It is a cruel mockery of fate to bind me to you. I figured it out last winter, Harry, and it was like a punch in the gut. It's so unfair that I have to be with you, I'm sick of you. But no one in history has ever abandoned their mate, and the devil knows what that might turn out to be. So, I don't seem to have a choice. But…”</p><p>As Louis spoke, Harry became more and more aware of the doom of his situation. The happiness he'd felt moments ago was gone.</p><p>“But dating you? It's beyond me. Do you think I could fall in love with a man like you?” </p><p>Louis made a contemptuous face.</p><p>“We'll leave it at that until I figure out how to get rid of this problem.”</p><p>Harry hunched his shoulders, wanting to scream. Shouting at Louis not to dare call him a problem, but only nodding in agreement. What else he could do?</p><p>The brown-haired man let out a sigh of relief. He was afraid that Styles would jump at the chance to be with someone like Louis, that he would be intrusive and clingy. Louis was afraid that Styles would choke him with his attention.</p><p>But that didn't happen. Harry fell easily into his arms, forgetting his years of humiliation as Tomlinson took the first step. But just as easily, Harry retreated as soon as Louis pushed him away. That was good. It meant that Louis would have time to sort things out, to get rid of this complication.<br/>
“Great!”</p><p>The brown-haired man exclaimed.</p><p>“If you understand me, I think I'll go back to the ball. I don't want to miss the choice of king and queen. After all, the crown is mine.”</p><p>Louis leaned closer, inhaling Harry's scent, the smell of mint chocolate, and then he said: </p><p>“And you'd better keep your mouth shut tight and not talk about this whole misunderstanding.”</p><p>He turned away and walked briskly back to the school, leaving Harry standing by his car, crushed and completely confused.</p><p>I am on my knees</p><p>‘Cause you’re everything I need</p><p>And I’ve made a mess of myself</p><p>On my own</p><p>Now I am on my face</p><p>And I’m calling out your name</p><p>And I won’t run away</p><p>‘Cause I’m already home [1] (Already Home)</p><p>***</p><p>This was the fourth time in a week that they had run into each other in public in a completely random place. Louis was angry. The school was behind him now, and Tomlinson was counting that Harry won’t bother him anymore. But as if on purpose, he went to the same shops as the brown-haired man, walked in the park where Louis went skateboarding and passed by his house three times a week.</p><p>And now, when he came face-to-face in the bakery where Eleanor had dragged him and the other football players, Louis was furious. Is that curly-haired scarecrow going to haunt him all summer?</p><p>Tomlinson sat Eleanor down at the table between Niall and his new girlfriend, Barb, while he slipped away in the general bustle. He saw Styles go around the corner to the restrooms and follow him. Louis was determined to put an end to this unwitting, or yet deliberate, pursuit.</p><p>He caught up with Harry when he was at the door marked "for staff". Louis gave him a sharp squeeze on the shoulder and shoved him into the bathroom before he could stop himself. Harry panicked as he found himself in a locked, narrow space a hand's breadth away from Louis. He turned to face Tomlinson so that he could defend himself with his hands, but as soon as the first blow hit him in the stomach, just above the belt, Harry realized that it was useless.</p><p>He bent over in pain, nuzzling somewhere in Louis' collarbone. The brown-haired man didn't push him away. Instead, he patted the boy's shoulder as if to reassure him.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>It hurt to say it, but Harry didn't know what he'd done to deserve it this time.</p><p>“You're stalking me, prick. Day after day, I run into you everywhere I go.”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Prick&gt;</em>
</p><p>Harry chuckled inwardly. The prick was the most frequent name-calling and almost didn't hurt anymore. Now Harry could smell Tomlinson's scent, bold and bright, making his head feel heavy and his thoughts melt away like autumn clouds, leaving a serenity in their wake. Louis smelled of caramel and summer. Harry took a deep breath, stifling the groan that was about to escape his lips. The teenager wanted to snuggle closer, to melt into Tomlinson's arms. He tried to seek protection from Louis on his own chest. And it wasn't clear if it was the strange attraction of the soulmates, or if Harry was just crazy.</p><p>“Louis... please. I don’t stalk you.”</p><p>His voice broke on the last syllable as Tomlinson grabbed him by the hair and yanked him up sharply. Harry felt as if sparks were shooting out of his eyes from the pain.</p><p>“I know what you're trying to do. Pathetic nerds like you would give a lot to have a football team captain as their friend. Do you think people will start loving you when they find out we're together?”</p><p>Harry's eyes widened as he heard Tomlinson's suggestion. He had never imagined that Louis would interpret their meetings in this way.  For the most part, they ran into each other by accident, and it was up to Harry to decide which way to go to work. He could walk directly through the park, saving time, or walk down the street past Louis' house and maybe see him. Just to see.</p><p>“I'll try to stay out of your sight, let me go.”</p><p>Harry said under his breath.</p><p>Louis untangled his fingers from Harry's curls and put his hand in his pocket. He couldn't understand why his palm itched and itched, why he wanted to put it back in former place. He was angry with his body. I was angry with himself. Louis was confused and no longer understood what exactly he wanted.</p><p>It was infuriating. And Tomlinson just couldn't help it, too much anger, too many questions, too much Harry. He hit me right in the face. Harry's glasses fell to the floor at Louis' feet, and the brown-haired man didn't hesitate to step on them, breaking them. Harry covered his face with his hands and slid down the wall. He cringed in anticipation of more blows, but Louis suddenly realized that he was going too far. He reached out a hand to the trembling boy but pulled it back a few inches from his shoulder.</p><p>He left the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. What had gotten into him? First, I hit him, then I decided to comfort him. Tomlinson must have gone mad.</p><p>Louis was a little ashamed of his lack of restraint, and he decided to put the unpleasant scene out of his mind. Tommo returned to the table just as the boys were eating. He immediately cut in on the conversation between Niall and Liam, stealing cheese croutons from the latter's plate. He forgot all about Harry until the latter appeared over their table, wearing a uniform apron and carrying a notebook.</p><p>“Anything else you want?” </p><p>Harry said in a broken voice.</p><p>Louis stared at him in surprise, noting the trembling fingers and the blood caked on his lower lip. He looked disheveled but cute, and Louis decided that it wasn't for nothing that he had helped him get rid of those ugly glasses. Louis also thought he was wrong. Harry was working in this place, not stalking him.</p><p>He was finally convinced that he had gone too far when one of the customers, passing by Styles, accidentally brushed his shoulder. Harry let out a loud gasp and put a hand to his stomach.</p><p>Louis felt like an asshole for the first time in his life.</p><p>And every time I pass you on the street</p><p>You won’t even turn and look at me</p><p>I never would of thought that things could</p><p>Go this far but please believe me [2] (The Art Of Breaking)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry avoided Louis. He didn't go for a walk, but took a detour to work, through the next block. They hadn't seen each other in a week, and Harry was pining. He didn't sleep well at night and kept thinking about Louis' fingers in his hair.</p><p>He also thought about how Louis had broken not only his old glasses in the bakery bathroom but also Harry himself. He smashed, crushed with his feet, split into pieces. Louis is a pain. You need to stay away from Louis.</p><p>Only the stupid heart would not obey, and the traitorous mind would throw up hope, whispering: "After all, he is your soulmate."</p><p>Harry shook off his obsessive thoughts, ruffling his curls even more, and left the house. He was halfway down the street when he was pulled into the alley by demanding hands. Harry didn't even have to turn around to see who it was. Sharp, possessive jerks, and painfully pressed fingers, he could recognize from a thousand.</p><p>Harry was pressed against the wall again. Tomlinson seemed to like it. Harry started to say something sarcastic about Louis' kinks but stopped in time when the blue eyes were very close to him.</p><p>“What is it this time?”</p><p>The brown-haired man's hands slid from his shoulders, ran down Harry's arms, and touched his palms. Styles' heart fluttered. He felt the blood thicken, turning to honey, thick and sweet, clouding his mind. For some reason, Harry thought Louis was going to kiss him. Harry would have liked Louis to kiss him.</p><p>But Louis wasn't going to. Tomlinson placed the case containing the new glasses in the teenager's trembling fingers and pulled away.</p><p>“I wanted to apologize for what happened at the bakery... Will you forgive me?”</p><p>Harry looked at Louis. He hesitated only a second before opening Tommo's gift.</p><p>He put on his new glasses, putting the ones his mother had bought in his pocket, and smiled timidly at the guy across from him. The glasses Louis had picked out for him looked decidedly better.</p><p>“I forgive you. Sure.”</p><p>Harry pointed to his nose and laughed awkwardly.</p><p>Louis reached out and ruffled his hair. Harry didn't pull away, but his mouth dropped open in surprise.</p><p>“I think we should get to know each other better now that we're connected. We could try it... communicate”</p><p>Louis said, overcoming himself, overcoming all his fears.</p><p>“But that still doesn't give you the right to talk to me in public. I'll pretend we're nothing to each other, so don't embarrass yourself.”</p><p>“You don't think you can keep our relationship a secret forever, do you?” </p><p>Harry said simply. It was obvious, but Louis still hoped to find a solution that would suit him.</p><p>“I'll think of something.”</p><p>Tomlinson said and left the alley without saying goodbye.</p><p>I don’t know why, it’s so hard to swallow our pride!</p><p>And I don’t know how many wrongs make a right</p><p>I don’t know the reason</p><p>Sometimes it just feels so, good to cry!</p><p>And I don’t know which way the wind will blow</p><p>But you’re here with me</p><p>And that’s all I need to know! [3] (All I Need To Know)</p><p>***</p><p>Louis had one arm around his shoulders as they walked across the football field to the group of guys. To the company of football players. The guys who bullied and beat up Harry throughout high school.</p><p>His T-shirt clung to his sweat-soaked back. Harry was worried. Harry was horrified. He didn't know what Louis was trying to do. Is he tired of hiding their relationship? It wasn't a logical decision. Things were still bad between them.</p><p>Harry still couldn't call Louis his boyfriend. Louis still couldn't accept the fact that the school nerd had become his mate. And now, as he walked toward the group of guys, Harry was once again experiencing the fear that he hoped had been left inside the school's brick walls.</p><p>“Guys.”</p><p>Louis nodded, greeting his friends.</p><p>Harry cringed harder under the surprised and incredulous stares.</p><p>“Tommo, what is this worthlessness doing among us?”</p><p>Zayn asked, lighting a cigarette. His dark eyes narrowed dangerously as he studied the trembling Harry. He still hadn't forgotten the blow he'd received from the school loser. None of them had forgotten.</p><p>“Was Zayn right then? Is he your mate?” </p><p>Liam guessed. And his words, barely audible, broke the already tense silence.</p><p>Louis tightened his grip on Harry's shoulder, but the boy still felt no support. Rather, Tommo was worried, and it was done unconsciously.</p><p>“So, you're dating?” </p><p>Niall exclaimed loudly, a smile spreading across his face. Harry looked down at the ground because it was too much for him to look at these handsome, successful guys while being an ungainly freak. And his claim to their captain is absurd. Fate has never joked more stupidly.</p><p>“No, guys, no. It's just mine.”</p><p>Louis said hurriedly. He was afraid of being rejected by his own friends. He was afraid of losing his influence, of ruining the reputation that had been built up over the years. Louis didn't even know why he was doing what he was doing. But Harry was right, Tomlinson could no longer hide it like a dirty little secret.</p><p>“So, you're breaking up with El? Finally! I'll take your place, friend.”</p><p>Stan laughed smugly, enjoying his good fortune.</p><p>“I said no!” </p><p>Louis growled back.</p><p>“El is my girlfriend. You go near her, and I'll rip your head off.”</p><p>Harry squeezed his eyes shut as Louis argued with his best friend. Of course, they're not a couple. Eleanor is Louis' girlfriend. And Harry wondered: what am I doing here?</p><p>He jerked Tomlinson's arm off him and took a few steps back.</p><p>“Don't dare.”</p><p>Louis said, lowering his voice threateningly. His pupils widened in anger as he looked at the guy who had pushed him away in front of his friends.</p><p>“You'll only make it worse for yourself, idiot.”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Idiot&gt;</em>
</p><p>Harry slowly shook his head from side to side and turned away. He took a few hesitant steps, then ran. He was running desperately, hopelessly, as if for his life. Only there was no escape from Louis. No one has ever given up on their mate.</p><p>Niall raised an eyebrow:</p><p>“He's fast. What are you going to do, Lou?”</p><p>“Having fun.”</p><p>Tomlinson whispered, grinning with excitement.</p><p>He had mixed feelings about Harry: he wanted to touch a nerve, to see the sincere emotions on his face. He wanted to tease him to tears, to make him react. He wanted to destroy.</p><p>Louis waited until Harry had reached the middle of the field, and then, to the loud hooting of his friends, he took off. It only took him a few seconds to catch up with Harry. Louis slammed into him, knocking him down. Harry fell into the grass of the stadium. His breath caught in his throat from running, or from a blow, or perhaps from fear.</p><p>Tommo sat deftly on his back, twisting his arms back. Harry groaned in pain. He tried to push Louis off him, but Louis only increased the pressure, causing searing, sharp pain. And Harry accepted it. He lay still, hoping that Louis would let him go.</p><p>But Tomlinson didn't even think about it. He gripped the boy's wrists beneath him, squeezing them until they were bruised, and leaned close to his ear:</p><p>“I'm the captain of the football team. Did you really expect to run away?”</p><p>He whispered, his hot breath searing my ear. Harry felt a shiver run down his spine at the new sensation. And when Louis' teeth closed on his shoulder, drawing a painful cry from Harry, he was lost in emotion. Pain and desire swirled inside him, intertwining in a bizarre cocktail, creating a painful addiction.</p><p>Harry squirmed under Louis' heavy body, no longer sure if he wanted Lou to let him go or if he wanted him to continue this sweet torture.</p><p>“Why are you provoking me, Harry?” </p><p>Louis croaked in his ear. He let go of the guy's hands, which were already tingling.</p><p>“The sooner you accept that you belong to me, the easier your life will be. To both of us.”</p><p>Harry propped himself up on his elbows when he felt that Louis was no longer sitting on him, but he didn't dare get up or turn around. He just stared at the grass, not looking up. Louis walked around him, stopping next to the guy's face. Harry could have seen more of Tommo's sneakers or his tanned ankles. But Harry didn't want to, he was already up to his ears.</p><p>“Come home. And don't do anything stupid, right?”</p><p>Louis patted the top of his curly head and walked over to his friends without looking back. He was in a good mood after his run-in with Harry. And if in the first time after the truth was revealed, Tomlinson was shocked and confused, now he was already slowly beginning to get used to his situation, or rather to Harry's position, trying to use what fate had given him to the fullest.</p><p>Sometimes I don’t hate but I want to</p><p>Blinded by the reason I found you</p><p>It’s just a feeling I get when I’m around you</p><p>Can you relate to what I’m going through? [4] (Stranger)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry had always been afraid that one day Louis would realize the seriousness of their relationship and the worthlessness of Styles and start using him as a thing. He pushed these thoughts as far away from himself as possible, but they still surfaced on the periphery of his mind. Time after time. And after the incident at the stadium, they did not leave his head.</p><p>Harry came out of the bathroom, pulling a stretched T-shirt over his head. He wanted to wash away his fears and obsessive thoughts about Louis with cold water. It didn't work out.</p><p>Water dripped from his wet hair. Harry loved these rare drops, sometimes running down his neck and chin, causing a slight shiver. He liked to freeze, close his eyes, and give himself up completely to these sensations. Then he imagined that these were not drops of water, but the tips of the cool fingers of a person who wanted to touch him. Wanted him.</p><p>After such fantasies, an even greater wave of sadness rolled over him. No one ever wanted to touch Harry. No one wanted Harry.</p><p>The guy shook his wet head, forcing the sad thoughts out of it, and wandered to his room, turning off the lights everywhere along the way. Mom was working the night shift again, and Gemma had a boyfriend, so Harry was going to spend his evening with a movie and ice cream. Only he hadn't considered that his mate might have other plans.</p><p>Harry closed the door to his room behind him and turned on the night light. He didn't want bright light. There was a desire to stay in the dark, in silence. The connection with Tomlinson was getting more and more exhausting every day. He was tired, he was falling apart.</p><p>So, Harry let out a loud squeak when the dark figure at the window spoke.</p><p>“You look even shabbier with your hair wet.”</p><p>Tomlinson said, his laughter making his skin crawl.</p><p>Harry put a hand to his heart, trying to calm the frantic rhythm. He leaned back against the door, looking at Louis through the lenses of his glasses.</p><p>“How did you get into my room?”</p><p>“Through the window, dumbass”</p><p>Tommo said matter-of-factly.</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Dumbass&gt;</em>
</p><p>He took off his jacket and tossed it carelessly on Harry's desk, knocking over a cup of perfectly sharpened pencils. Harry tried to ignore the destruction Louis was causing in his room. It was more difficult to deal with the destruction that Louis had caused in his life.</p><p>“Why are you here, Louis?”</p><p>“El had a headache and went home. I'm getting bored, so entertain me”</p><p>Tommo said, and sprawled on Harry's bed, still wearing his sneakers.</p><p>“I wanted to be alone”</p><p>Harry said quietly.</p><p>The mention of Eleanor cut painfully from her stomach to her chest, slicing through her muscles like a sharp knife. Harry tried not to think about the beautiful brown-haired girl who had more claim on Louis than her own soulmate. Harry also tried to ignore the menacing smell of alcohol coming from Louis. That could be a problem.</p><p>“You wanted to be alone?” </p><p>Louis sat up abruptly. </p><p>“Do you think anyone cares what you wanted?” </p><p>Harry gripped the edge of his T-shirt with trembling fingers, pulling it down.</p><p>“I also wanted a lot of things. I wanted to have fun today! I wanted a football scholarship to another college! I wanted a normal mate, after all!”</p><p>Louis screamed, and Harry's stomach clenched at every harsh word Louis said, every harsh gesture he made.</p><p>“Come here”</p><p>The brown-haired man said more calmly. But Harry could still see the anger and uncontrollable desperation in his eyes. I didn't want to approach, I wanted to run. Harry hesitated until Louis yell</p><p>“Now!”</p><p>And Styles crossed the distance between them in three strides.</p><p>Tommo grabbed the boy's arm and pulled. Harry collapsed onto the brown-haired man's chest, and Louis deftly turned them over, crushing the boy under him.</p><p>Harry's heart was pounding in his throat, trying to get out. Louis slid his hands under his T-shirt, stroking his sides. His dry, hot lips brushed his chin, covering it with small kisses. Harry felt as if he had lost his mind. He had never experienced this before. His body shuddered at every touch of hot hands, and a long moan escaped from his chest. Harry bit his lip to hold back, but Louis whispered in his ear.:</p><p>“You can moan, baby.”</p><p>Harry's eyes snapped open.</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Baby&gt;</em>
</p><p>Louis straightened up, still sitting on Harry's stomach, and studied his face. The guy beneath him raised his right hand and stared intently at the fine lines of the scars. His eyes went from dull and expressionless to two bright emeralds, the gleam of which was easy to see through the lenses of his glasses in the dimness of the room.</p><p>Harry was smiling, stupid and happy, completely forgetting about Louis and what had happened between them a second ago. Tommo had forgotten his impulse; the boy beneath him was much more interesting now. It was a completely different Harry, a stranger. Louis was able to switch it off with just one word.</p><p>Tommo suddenly realized the power of his own power over his hopeless mate. Louis grinned and leaned closer. He had to check something out.</p><p>“You're so pathetic.”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Pathetic&gt;</em>
</p><p>Harry flinched as if he'd been slapped hard. His Adam’s apple twitched, and the corners of his lips curled down. He turned his eyes, which had gone blank, to Louis' face. Tommo licked his lips, absorbing the teenager's reaction. He felt a kind of sadistic pleasure in knowing that Harry was being destroyed. Destroyed by the will of Louis.</p><p>Styles squeezed his eyes shut, holding his breath. A huge black hole had grown inside him, sucking in all the light and heat, sucking in the remnants of hope for a better future. Louis would never be able to love him. He's being bullied, just as he's been bullied all these years at school, only now the taunts have grown more mature, crossing the line of childish dislike. Now Louis was sneering like an adult, happily breaking Harry, tearing him apart.</p><p>Harry put his hands on his face, shielding himself from Louis. He felt his eyes fill with tears and tried to hide it. He can't afford any more weakness. Louis won't stop.</p><p>“You're not going to cry, are you?”</p><p>Tommo said mockingly.</p><p>Harry felt suddenly angry. He could endure many things, but not all. He wasn't going to tolerate this kind of behavior from Louis. Yes, the brown-haired man is unhappy with the choice of fate, but it's not Harry's fault.</p><p>Styles jerked his whole body, pushing Louis off him. He threw up his arms, trying to rest them on Tommo's shoulders, but Tommo caught his wrists, pulling him back onto the bed. They fought for a few minutes: Harry with the desperation of a dying man, it was so important for him to win now, at least by throwing Louis off, and Louis, laughing heartily, looking at Styles' childish attempts to overcome him.</p><p>Tomlinson deftly brought Harry's hands behind his head, gripping both hands in a tight grip. With his other hand, he grabbed Harry's chin, turning his face toward him.</p><p>“I was just kidding. Calm down”</p><p>Louis smiled. He was amused by Harry's angry face, his glittering eyes, and his hard, plump lips. For the first time in Tommo's memory, the school loser was angry.</p><p>“Can we continue where we stop?”</p><p>“Get off me, Louis”</p><p>Styles hissed. </p><p>“I'm not going to replace Eleanor.”</p><p>Tomlinson chuckled angrily and moved his hand from Harry's chin to Harry's neck. His fingers slowly tightened as he whispered menacingly in Harry's ear.</p><p>“You'll be replacing for whoever I tell you to. Because I'm the only one you're going to get, Harry. You're a pathetic, ugly loser. Do you think someone will fall for you, with that creepy hair and those huge glasses? Be realistic. We can have fun, or you can die a virgin. It's up to you, of course.”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;A pathetic, ugly loser&gt;</em>
</p><p>Louis spoke softly, but Harry thought he was shouting too loudly. Harry wanted to close his ears and cringe. Louis was right, Styles had understood all this before, but it was just beyond him to hear such words from the man who was supposed to be your mainstay. Harry felt something inside him break, and he felt like a thin glass that had been hit by a small stone, cracking.</p><p>And then Harry felt like he was running out of air – Louis' fingers were already too tight around his throat. He parted his lips, trying to say something, and stared at Louis with frightened eyes. Tommo leaned over and placed a wet kiss on his lips before releasing Harry.</p><p>And while the teenager was trying to catch his breath on his own bed, Louis took his jacket and opened the window a crack. He took one last look at Harry, smiled a little, and climbed out onto the roof.</p><p>And it took Harry fifteen minutes to piece himself together from the pieces that Tommo had left behind. When he finally got to his feet and closed the window, he noticed Louis' phone on his desk. Harry turned away and trudged back to the bed.</p><p>Tommo couldn't put it down to the alcohol in his blood. Harry was a realist and couldn't continue to cherish the hope of reciprocity after today. Louis was doing exactly what he wanted, his mind wasn't clouded. Today, Louis wanted to hurt. And he will want it in the future.</p><p>
  <em>Harry must learn to protect himself.</em>
</p><p>I don’t want you to be, anything at all,</p><p>I just want you to say you love me,</p><p>I don’t care, just stop living like this,</p><p>I don’t want to be, anything at all,</p><p>I just want you to see, who I am, and Stop the Violence</p><p>No more silence [5] (I Climb)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry woke up in the night to the sound of his phone ringing loudly.</p><p>“Hello”</p><p>He said hoarsely, registering out of the corner of his mind that the number was unfamiliar.</p><p>“I need my phone right now”</p><p>Louis's clear voice broke the dream, blowing it away like sand pellets in the wind.</p><p>“What, right now?” </p><p>Harry stared at his watch, wondering if the hand was really pointing to the second hour of the morning, or if his sleepy brain was playing tricks on him.</p><p>“Yes, right now”</p><p>Louis said.</p><p>“I’ll text you the address”</p><p>Louis hung up.</p><p>Styles stayed in bed for a few more minutes, thinking about how better to do. He didn't want to go to the call like an obedient puppet. He was even more afraid to think about what Louis might be up to. On the other hand, perhaps he really needs his phone, and if he refuses, he will be furious, come here, and then there will definitely be no mercy.</p><p>Harry sighed heavily as he got out of bed. He opened the message and saw that it was not far from home. The teenager pulled on his jeans, stuffed his phone in one pocket, and Louis' phone in the other. He decided to don’t wear the jacket, because the heat did not subside even at night, and quietly climbed out of the window.</p><p>Harry had no trouble finding the right house – the music was too loud, lights were on in all the windows, and a crowd of teenagers had gathered by the pool. Harry stepped gingerly onto the lawn, catching unfriendly and suspicious glances. He knew why they were looking at him like that, but there was nothing he could do about it - he had to give Louis the phone.</p><p>He had drawn too much attention to himself by being right by the pool, and Louis was still nowhere to be seen. Bucky, a senior from last year who had returned home for the holidays, suddenly poured his beer on him. Harry flinched grotesquely as the crowd guffawed and turned around. He looked up at the broad-shouldered, slightly plump guy, while disgusting, sticky drops were running down his face.</p><p>“Are you lost, loser? Did you mix up a cool party with your young nerd club?”</p><p>Harry didn't say anything, because he knew that if he opened his mouth, he would be beaten. All I had to do was be patient. Just like at school. You silently tolerate insults and do not provoke the crowd, driven by the herd instinct and the desire to destroy the one who stands out from the general mass.</p><p>Harry nodded and tried to avoid the obese figure. But the party was in full swing, and the drunken teenagers were eager for a show, so the student grabbed Harry by the front of his shirt and pinned him against the trunk of a nearby yew tree so that Styles’ feet barely touched the ground.</p><p>Harry threw up his hands in a defensive gesture, and Buck suddenly laughed.</p><p>“What's that on your arm, buddy? Pathetic, ugly loser”</p><p>He read aloud, and Harry was ready to sink into the ground after a collective "oh" from the crowd. </p><p>“Does your own mate think that of you? I've never met anyone so insignificant as you.”</p><p>The people around him were laughing. Someone was pointing a finger at Harry. Harry had never felt so dirty before. He wished he'd worn a sweatshirt, and he wished he'd never been born. He felt ashamed and disgusted, and he almost understood these people. Almost.</p><p>It was at this moment that Louis found him. As if he had to see the full extent of his soulmate's worthlessness.</p><p>“Bucky, what the hell are you doing?” </p><p>Niall asked.</p><p>“Just having fun, why? Do you have a problem with that?” </p><p>The boy growled menacingly.</p><p>“Let him go”</p><p>Louis said, and Harry knew that tone: it didn't bode well.</p><p>The student released the teenager and turned his whole body to the football players:</p><p>“Seriously, guys? You decided to stand up for the school loser?”</p><p>And Styles suddenly realized that right now he was going to ruin Tommo's life completely. Louis had decided to do something heroic today, protecting Harry, and it could have ended badly, especially for him. Harry had to protect Louis in any way he could. His mind raced to figure out what to do, while the aggressive guys glared at each other with heavy eyes.</p><p>Harry exhaled sharply, knowing he was signing his own death warrant, but he couldn't see any other way out. The teenager gathered all his willpower, hoping that his hand would not waver, and punched the guy in front of him in the place where, approximately, the liver should have been. Bucky fell to his knees, bending over in pain, and Harry kicked again, hoping it would give him a few seconds while his enemy recovered.</p><p> </p><p>The party was silent, except for the music coming from the speakers. People looked at Harry in disbelief, and he might have enjoyed the general lack of understanding if he hadn't been in a hurry to get the hell out of here.</p><p>Harry wasted no time in moving closer to Louis and handing him the phone:</p><p>“Don't do anything that makes your life difficult. I can handle it”</p><p>He whispered as their fingers touched on the case of the mobile device.</p><p>And as soon as Tomlinson had the cell phone in his hand, Harry bolted away. Bucky was shouting threats after him, trying to get up, and several of his friends were already running after Styles.</p><p>Louis was taken aback. During his school years, he had formed a certain opinion about losers like Styles, and Harry, over and over again, refuted it. Every action Styles took was motivated by a desire to protect and help. What did Louis do? He was trying to destroy Harry. Harry – the man who hid his adorable green eyes behind his ugly glasses; the man who endured all their taunts without a murmur, responding with violence only when it was necessary to protect Louis; the man who put his health at risk by trying to maintain his reputation as an asshole who couldn't accept him.</p><p>Tomlinson turned to his friends, and for the first time in his life, not caring what he looked like or what people thought of him, he said:</p><p>“I have to find him.”</p><p>The boys nodded in disjointed agreement, and even Zayn, pursing his lips, barely shook his head. They went in different directions, trying to check out more places and find Harry before the worst happened. But the chances were too small.</p><p>I’ve always been strong</p><p>But can’t make this happen</p><p>‘Cause I need to breathe</p><p>I wanna breathe you in</p><p>Fear of becoming</p><p>I’m so tired of running</p><p>‘Cause I need to breathe</p><p>I wanna breathe you in [6] (Breathe You In)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry felt very bad. It was hard for him to walk, move, or even breathe. Broken ribs made it difficult to function properly, and Harry felt like a wreck. Bruises and bruises of various shades bloomed on his face, and his arms and legs were covered with abrasions.</p><p>And he couldn't sleep. Harry just lay in his hospital bed and stared at the whitewashed ceiling. The main pain was gone, suppressed by pain pills and creams, but the constant tingling and aching sensation remained.</p><p>Harry was taken to the hospital yesterday after the students caught him and beat him up. In a semi-faint state, he was able to dial his mother and tell her what had happened and where he was. And now he and Gemma were outside the door of the ward, giving him a chance to rest and be alone, alone with his thoughts.</p><p>Only Harry didn't want to think. His thoughts always revolved around Louis. And now he was afraid to make the difficult decision that he had put off until the last moment, hoping for the best.</p><p>It seems that there will be no better and it is time to gain strength and escape from this swamp. Harry must leave.</p><p>He was interrupted by the sound of voices in the corridor. He got up slowly, panting from the sharp pain in his side, and slowly moved toward the door.</p><p>“Boys, you can't go to him. Please be quiet.”</p><p>Harry heard the nurse on duty said.</p><p>“I'm allowed. I need. I'm his soulmate”</p><p>Louis exclaimed loudly, and Harry felt rather than heard his mother's heavy sigh.</p><p>“And where were you when it happened to him?” </p><p>She said accusingly.</p><p>“You were at that party, weren't you? Almost all the guys from your school were there. He was beaten up by your friends, and you didn't even move. You didn't do anything! Don't you dare call yourself his soulmate!”</p><p>My mother started to scream, and Harry gently squeezed her shoulder, calming her. No one saw him leave the room, but when Anne turned around, all attention was focused on the patient.</p><p>Louis' heart skipped a few painful beats when he saw the sorry state Harry was in. He jerked forward, but Zayn held him firmly by the shoulders.</p><p>“Mom, it's okay. You don't have to be nervous. Louis just didn't have a chance to help me, stop it. He's good.”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Good&gt;</em>
</p><p>Louis lunged forward, twisting out of the way, leaving the jacket in the hands of a confused Malik. He flew over to Harry and pushed him into the ward, dying from the boy's groan of pain. A pain that was entirely his fault. Louis slammed the door shut, propping the handle with his chair. There was a panic in the hallway, but Louis didn't care. They need to talk.</p><p>“Harry…”</p><p>Harry was breathing heavily, leaning on the bed. He was bent over a little, and his face was contorted with pain. Louis was sick to his stomach at the sight of such a broken boy. He wanted to scream, to kiss Harry, and then scream again. He also wanted to kill for the first time in his life. Slowly, painfully kill those who raised their hand against the selfless Harry. Against his Harry.</p><p>“Harry, I'm sorry, my dear…” </p><p>Louis put his hands on his cheeks, taking his face in his hands, lifting it slightly to look into his suffering eyes.</p><p>“I should have been with you from the start. I…”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;My dear&gt;</em>
</p><p>The teenager jerked back, moving away from the touch. He pushed Louis away from him, and the brown-haired man did not find the strength to approach again. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his skinny jeans and bit his lip nervously.</p><p>“You don't need this, Louis”</p><p>Harry said softly, but his words hit Tommo right in the heart, loud and furious, knocking the wind out of him. </p><p>“Our connection… We're too different.”</p><p>Harry finally turned around and looked directly at Louis. His eyes were full of unshed tears, and his lips were set stubbornly. He tilted his chin up, and his whole appearance spoke of inflexibility. Harry got tired of waiting for Louis to act and made a decision on his own.</p><p>Louis panicked. He realized that he might lose Harry. And if a month ago he had wanted Harry out of his life and out of his sight, now Tomlinson was willing to do anything to keep him close to him.</p><p>He held out his hand, but he didn't have time to do or say anything. The door slammed open, and two burly nurses grabbed him by the arms, dragging him out of the hospital room. Harry's mother was at her son's side in an instant, gently holding him close, shielding him from Louis. And the last thing Louis saw in the room was Harry's tears and his older sister's aggressive look.</p><p>Louis is so fucked up.</p><p>I don’t think I need you anymore</p><p>Take your words and your lies</p><p>And just beat it</p><p>I don’t think I need you anymore</p><p>Take the hurt and the pain</p><p>I don’t need it [7] (Fly On The Wall)</p><p>***</p><p>Harry wiped his sweaty palms on the thick fabric of his jeans and rang the bell. He only had one night left, and he really wanted to spend it with Louis. Only with him. Lately, Harry had been thinking more and more about how he would like to forget Louis, build his own happiness, maybe even be loved by someone else, but one thing was bothering him. He couldn't accept that someone other than Louis could be his first. He only wanted it. He wanted to feel, just for a little while, his closeness, his touch, his kisses. Before he leaves.</p><p>Louis' insults kept running through my head. Loser, freak, fucking virgin. But since Styles had decided to free his mate by breaking all the laws of the universe, he could hope for a parting gift.</p><p>A sweet little woman with bright blue eyes opened the door for him.</p><p>“I'm, uh, Louis’ friend”</p><p>Harry stammered. He was completely taken aback when he saw a pleasant smile, so similar to Louis' smile.</p><p>“You're the boy Lou broke into the ward with, aren't you?” </p><p>The woman asked, laughing. </p><p>“He had to wait for me at the station for several hours.”</p><p>Harry blushed. He didn't know that Tommo had been arrested after the incident at the hospital. Harry felt a little ashamed, he didn't even try to find out how Louis was. Harry was so self-absorbed that he hadn't thought about Tomlinson in the last few weeks. I tried not to think.</p><p>“I'm sorry, really”</p><p>He started to explain, but Louis' mom stepped back, inviting Harry inside.</p><p>“Oh, come on, honey. It's good for him”</p><p>She smiled and pointed to the stairs leading to the second floor.</p><p>“You'll know his door right away.”</p><p>It was really difficult to make a mistake: the whole door was covered with all sorts of stickers. Harry smiled ruefully and ran a finger down one of them. He knocked, and before his resolve could dissipate, he confidently opened the door and entered without waiting for an answer.</p><p>Louis was lying on the bed, throwing up a small ball. He looked dejectedly at Harry, expecting to see his mother or one of his sisters, and his face was instantly transformed when the chocolate curls came into view.</p><p>“Harry!”</p><p>He exclaimed.</p><p>Styles moved closer.</p><p>“Hi”</p><p>He said softly.</p><p>“I want to ask you…”</p><p>His voice broke, and his cheeks flushed bright red. Harry couldn't say out loud what he'd come for. So, he just pulled a pack of condoms out of his pocket and threw it on the bed next to Louis.</p><p>The brown-haired man stared at them blankly. He was so thrilled to see Harry. He missed him. He worried about him. He waited patiently while Harry expertly ignored all his attempts to contact him. And now he's come for... for what?</p><p>“What does that mean?” </p><p>Tomlinson looked at him questioningly.</p><p>“Can we have sex before I go to college?” </p><p>Harry said quickly and held his breath.</p><p>Louis broke out in a cold sweat. Harry's leaving. His Harry. He didn't even notice the firm "no" that came out of his mouth. His thoughts were already far away.</p><p>But Harry noticed it. He seemed to go limp, deflated as if the air had been drained out of him. His hand was on the counter, and his other hand was in his hair, which he was pulling desperately and unconsciously.</p><p>“Okay, okay…”</p><p>He whispered as if calming himself.</p><p>“I knew you'd say no. It was foolish to hope. I'm a freak.”</p><p>“Harry, listen to me. That's not what…”</p><p>“Shut up!” </p><p>Harry shouted, cutting him off.</p><p>“For once in your life, stop being a spoiled egotist and shut up. Listen to me. Me, Louis.”</p><p>Tomlinson bit his tongue, looking at the angry and confused Harry. He really wanted to explain that he wasn't repulsing him. He wanted to do it right this time. I wanted to promise that they would have the opportunity to get to know each other and make love. Promise that everything will be different now. Louis won't let Harry go again.</p><p>But he also finally realized that Harry didn't belong to him, despite the words that Louis could write on his body. Harry is not a thing. He is a living person, with his feelings and desires. With his dreams.</p><p>And it's time to start listening to him. If only it wasn't too late.</p><p>“I'm going to college, Louis. I want to be further away from you. I want to live my own life, without looking back at anyone. I'm tired of the eternal press mockery. I need this freedom to finally be myself. So, let me go and go on living your perfect life without thinking about me. Maybe one day we'll be old enough to reconsider our relationship, but I doubt it very much. We're too different. "We" simply do not exist.”</p><p>Louis rested his elbows on his knees, hiding his face in his hands. He bit the inside of his cheek, holding back the denial that was bursting out. He didn't want to let Harry go. Could not. But Tommo knew he shouldn't hold Harry, it would only make things worse. Right now, he's overwhelmed with emotion, and if Louis tries to push, Harry will just break down.</p><p>So, he only groaned, knowing that he had destroyed everything with his own hands.</p><p>“I don't know what it's going to be like for us to break up, so I'm not changing the number, Louis. And I ask you to treat this with understanding. If you feel bad or weird, whatever, call me. I'll be back. I won't risk your health, but I'd like to forget, you know?” </p><p>Harry looked at him hopefully, and Louis just nodded back.</p><p>He got out of bed, putting his hands in his pockets so he wouldn't lose his temper. He would have liked very much to have held Harry close, to have tied him down, to have talked him into it... Anything. If only the baby would stay. But Louis couldn't. I shouldn't have.</p><p>“One last thing. Tell me I'm free, Louis.”</p><p>Tomlinson shivered. He grabbed the back of the chair and threw it in the opposite direction from Harry. Harry jerked back, bracing himself for the pain, but Louis didn't try to get close to him, just panted and stared at the floor.</p><p>“You're free, Harry”</p><p>He barely whispered, and swallowed hard, as if the words were poison poisoning his entire body. Killing him.</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Free&gt;</em>
</p><p>“Thank you. You're free, too.”</p><p>
  <em>&lt;Free&gt;</em>
</p><p>Harry put his hand on the door handle, preparing to leave. He felt guilty about Louis' broken appearance, but he knew it would only make things better. Louis is the owner. That's all it says right now. He's just never been abandoned. He'll get over it and realize that Harry did the right thing. Harry gave him a chance. A chance to be happy.</p><p>“I won't think about you, Louis. Never. And I'm asking you to do the same. If that word ever changes, to any word, good or bad, I'll take the sharpest razor I can find, and I swear to you, Louis, I'll cross it out so thoroughly that there will never be any more words on my wrist.”</p><p>Harry had said all he wanted to say. He didn't even look back as he walked out the door. Inside, everything was on fire, a scream scratched at my throat, and tears burned my eyes. He went down the stairs as fast as he could, so as not to change his mind. He'd never wanted to give up on his own dreams and desires so much, just go back upstairs and drown in Louis' arms, in his breath, letting him use him, beat him, humiliate him, just to be there, just to know that there was something between them.</p><p>But all the words were already spoken. Louis didn't give chase. And Harry didn't turn back.</p><p>They, the two halves of the whole, were broken and left alone.</p><p>Scream!</p><p>When the pressure breaks me</p><p>When it’s too hard to see</p><p>When I feel like I’m</p><p>At the end of my rope</p><p>One more time [8] (Scream)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thousand Foot Krutch</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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